I want to leave this place, and when I say place I mean this city. I am unhappy here, I feel smothered. My family is not very big on freedom of choice, and someone being different. I suppose that's what happens when your family is financially well off, they feel they have a certain image to uphold. I don't fit into this image very well, I am truly the outcast little goth girl here, mostly because I like it, the darkness of it, and partly because it seems to be what is expected of me. They demean me, so that they might cause me to want to change, to fit into their ideals, so that perhaps, when they look at me, they don't see that unhappiness and shadow is very close to their world. I am the shadow to their light, I rarely laugh when I am around them, there always seems so little point to laugh, escpecially at their jokes. They like to pick on those who they believe are beneath them, and unfortunatley, they see me on this long list of people. I bare it, for I have little choice otherwise, I tease them too, I give them small glimpses of what I would look like, if I dressed like them. In their exitement, they always seem to say the one thing they should not, for example; It was my Grandmother's birthday, I wore a pink shirt, and a pair of light colored jeans, my hair was curled and soft, and my makeup was almost non existent. Oh, if you could have seen their jaws drop upon my entrance, only my cousin ruined it, her words still ring clearly in my head, "Danielle, you aren't a freak today, I approve." Perhaps you would agree that this is quite a stinging comment, but I got her back, "Bianca," I said, "the day that I live and breathe for your approval, is the day that I kill myself, because then I will know that I have truly sold out," that kept her preppy mouth shut. I do not see why it bothers them, that I choose to adorn my shell with clothes that my mind finds comfortable. They are after all, only clothes. I never point out to them that the money they used to purchase that Versace belt, could have been put to better use by donating it to the local homeless shelter. I could do that, be truly annoying to them, but I find it is much easier to be myself, and say nothing in their presence, for my existence, as I am, is bothersome enough to them.